Puzzle Piece

Sometimes I keep these posts light and I'll talk about fun things. Other times, I open my heart to this little blogosphere in the hopes of helping someone that feels the same way as me. It helps me too. Every now and then I get super heartfelt in the writing I choose to share. This post is going to be pretty heavy...but I know I'm not the first one to feel this way and I wish I could be the last, but I won't be.

I've talked about my breakup a lot on here. I know it's been over 2 months and some of you might be thinking "wow just get over it already", but it really is not that easy. I wish it were...but it's not.

Since that all happened, I have been trying to make it better by finding my next great love. It has been completely unsuccessful. I'm looking for it in the wrong places...frat parties aren't exactly a good place to find a relationship. I'm rushing into it...I fall for a guy as soon as I meet him. The number isn't important but there has been a lot. A lot of failed attempts. Some of these attempts last 2 weeks, some of them lasted only 2 minutes. Each one ends in me being sad and upset. It's like I'm trying to see just how much torment my heart can take before it gives out.

You see, it's almost like my heart is a puzzle. The pieces were all in line and fit together perfectly. Then in the first week of college, a big piece of that puzzle got removed, burned, and destroyed. So now I don't feel good. To fix it, I have dedicated my time and energy to finding another piece that will fit. Let's try this piece! Nope doesn't fit...how about this one? Not this one either...maybe this one? Nope not it...This one will work! I know it!...This piece already belongs to another puzzle.... And on and on and on it goes.

To be honest, I'm just exhausted of all of this. I'm trying to play the game but I don't like the game. It isn't fun by any means. I am definitely aware that I am emotional, passionate, fiesty, obsessive, and a little bit crazy. I trust readily, I love completely, I give freely. It is also true that these things about me might cause me pain sometimes. Trust gets broken, love gets lost, giving doesn't always result in receiving. Yet, I am not going to change any of these things. This is who I am. I'm the girl that has always wanted her fairytale ending. I thought I had it. I didn't. Every guy that comes into my life I hope that maybe it will be him. It's not. At least not yet. I am also the most impatient person I know. The best things in life are worth waiting for. That's what I've been told. But I hate waiting.

Back to the puzzle. It was just now that I realized that maybe that missing piece exists in a different way. Smaller pieces fit together to make the bigger one that fits in my heart. Clearly, my family and my high school friends and my God and my puppy and everything else I had before college that still remains with me makes up the rest of that puzzle. But my new friends...the amazing women I have met at this school that I have grown to love like sisters in 10 short weeks...they have come into my life and held me up through one of the hardest times in my life. Together, they make up that missing piece. They say that you come to college to find your bridesmaids not your groom. I may have found some of mine. Honest to God, these girls are all I need right now. I DON'T need a guy to love me when I've got girls that do. Girls that wouldn't lie to me, that wouldn't use me, that wouldn't hurt me, that wouldn't make me feel like trash.

To close this off with words from one of my favorite characters: "They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style."