Wednesday, January 28, 2015

One Step At A Time

My levels of stress have been insanely high these last few weeks. It might be a record. I am always running, just not at the gym because I don't have time for that anymore. 3 days a week I am out of my dorm from 7:30 am until at least 6:00pm. I am taking Organic Chemistry and University Physics, also known as the hardest classes I have ever taken before. Not to mention my two other classes that I have basically been neglecting in the name of science. I have more homework and studying to do than ever before. I'm still volunteering in that psychology lab and I'm still writing for the school paper. I'm averaging 6 hours of sleep a night. 6 hours for a girl that is in love with sleep and has consistently had at least 8 hours a night for the majority of her life.

Then there's the trying to enjoy myself part of life, which is becoming less and less with every day. The first weekend back, I was able to go skiing, but last weekend I had to tell my friend no even though there was nothing I would love more. Winter Carnival at Keystone is next weekend, but right now I don't even know how I am possibly going to be able to enjoy myself. The entire time I will probably just be thinking about all the physics and chemistry I should be doing instead. To top it all off, there are so many adorable boys at this school which are nothing but a distraction, but I can't really help myself.

There have been so many moments in these last two weeks where I have questioned what I am even doing. I feel hopeless most of the time because I start to think I'm not even good at science. Plus, if this is difficult then med school is going to kick my ass. If I had $1 for every time I wished that my classes were easier or $1 for every time I wished that I had just been a Journalism major instead because it would be so much easier, this education would be almost paid off by now.

Honestly, it feels like I'm drowning. I've never been this challenged in my life and I have never been this exhausted either. Usually if I study for a test all weekend (like I did for OChem) then an A is basically guaranteed...apparently things don't work like this anymore.

To top it all off, I totally freak myself out. I haven't even received my graded OChem test yet and I haven't even taken the physics one yet, but I've just convinced myself that it's going to be hard so I'm going to fail and I won't get As in my science class and my GPA will tank and then I won't get into med school and I'll live on the street, because obviously anyone that isn't a doctor is poor. I fully recognize that I make things way worse for myself when I have a bad attitude like this.

For the next days, weeks, months, years, I just have to think about what is immediately happening. Getting caught up worrying about med school 3 years from now is just making me paranoid. I've got to slow down.

Breathe. Work. Power through.

Even better, I know exactly what they are trying to do. OChem and physics are supposed to be hard and painful and ego destroying. Most people aren't supposed to make it through these courses. They're designed to scare people and knock people out. If it was easy, then everyone would do it. I'm not going to be scared off that easily.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Text Me, Maybe?

The dating game is not a very easy one. In today's world, it is even more difficult. I'm not going to complain about how guys don't bring flowers or open the car door or any of that stuff, because that's annoying and not even entirely true. What is true is that texting a crush is such a difficult and intensive task.

Let's say you get a guy's number. It doesn't matter if you gave him yours or if he gave you his. You have his number. The who-should-text-first struggle is completely real. Should you text him first? If you don't text him first then you might never hear from him at all and that would be sad. But if you text him first then maybe you are showing too much interest which is also bad, right? So you don't text him. Or he doesn't text you.

But let's say somehow you start texting. How long do you wait to answer? Should you answer as soon as you see it? I very rarely wait by the phone but I just always have my phone with me and I usually notice when I get a text as soon as I get it. But how tragic would it be if he thought you were waiting by the phone, so you wait to answer instead. The question remains, how long do you wait? 5 minutes? 15 minutes? A few hours? I honestly have no idea. Good thing I'm too impatient to play that waiting game. 

Alright so now there's a full conversation happening. Smiley face :) or emoji? Hey, hi, or hello? What's up or how are you? Who leads the conversation? Should you just talk like a normal person? What even is a normal person? Beats me. Can you send more than one message in a row? When does the conversation die? Do you just stop responding? Forced conversation is the worst conversation. 

Let's change the situation. You have a great date or a great night or a fun day with a guy/girl. How long do you have to wait before you reach out after that time together? How I Met Your Mother said 3 days. I'm a terribly impatient person. 3 days is like an eternity. But the girl isn't supposed to text first, so we have to wait. At least for awhile. Because maybe he didn't have as much fun as you did, so you sit around waiting to hear from him instead.

I know I probably sound like a psycho right now but I am still new at this dating game. I realize how completely idiotic this whole thing is. If you want to talk to someone, then you should talk to them. Plain and simple. Except it's not. 

Maybe I'll give up on the waiting game and just go for it...but I can guarantee that my best friends will always read that first message before I press send. 

Friday, January 16, 2015

FOMO No More

Last quarter, I pretty much had the biggest case of FOMO ever. The Fear of Missing Out was oh so real. If my friends were going out, then I had to go with them. I'd text so many people trying to find a party to go to or something to do. Spending a Friday or Saturday night doing homework might as well have been the end of my social life forever. I refused to stay in. I needed to go out. I'd say maybe 50% of the nights I enjoyed myself and the other 50% I didn't. It was just a toss up, but that was a risk I thought I had to take.

This quarter is a completely different ball game. I passed on the hockey game to have dinner with my uncle, aunt, and their friends. Then after that, I got some much need physics help. I spent two and a half hours studying on a Friday night and honestly, it was a great choice. I seriously needed help. I guess you could say that I am in a serious relationship with physics.

Now it's barely midnight and I am going to catch up on some much needed sleep. Now the only fear I have is the Fear of Missing Sleep. Goodnight and you party animals have fun, but don't do anything too stupid.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Girl's Best Friend

7 and a half years ago, I happened to find the cutest and most wonderful puppy. Months before, my childhood dog, Shelby, died right around my 10th birthday. It was a pretty crappy birthday. After much begging and pleading, Noni and Popi finally agreed to let me get a new dog. My mom and I spent an entire day touring Chicagoland's animal shelters. Our last stop was the Naperville Animal Shelter. I saw this adorable 6 month old puppy with big, floppy ears sitting in a pen and the poor little girl looked so scared. I called my mom over and we asked the lady working if we could play with her. Mom and I sat down in a little room and as soon as this puppy came in she ran and jumped right into my mom's lap. The little stinker is a genius if you ask me. There was no way we could walk away from her after a greeting like that.

I remember the first day we had Cassie home. I had a softball game and I was putting on my socks she tried to steal one and run away with it. She has always been a trouble maker. On my 13th birthday, my mom made me a pineapple cake and Cassie jumped onto the kitchen chair and then onto the table and took a huge bite out of the cake. Good thing she's adorable or she'd be so easy to be mad at.

I always say that being away from family is hard, but being away from your dog is just as hard. You can talk to family on the phone or Skype them or text them...but you can't cuddle a puppy through the phone. I wish I was in Palatine to take my pup for a birthday walk followed by a birthday treat and a birthday cuddle...unfortunately, that can't happen. I know my baby can't read this, but I had to share her awesomeness with the world.

Cassie/Cassie Doodle/Cassandra Dee/Superdog/Sissy/Princess Pup, I love you and Happy 8th Birthday!

This picture is from 2010 when Cassie was only 3 years old.


Monday, January 5, 2015

Take Two

The best part about being back at school is definitely seeing my friends, but I guess classes have to happen too. 

My day started bright and early with Organic Chemistry at 8am. My professor is this adorable Indian man that could be a little scary but he seems like an excellent teacher. He's one of those no-nonsense type of guys. No technology, no talking, no textbooks. He seems to know exactly what he is doing. He doesn't assign any homework either. This could either be great or terrible, I guess we'll just see how it goes. 

My next class is in the same room and it is University (calculus-based) Physics. I took Physics in high school but it didn't exactly go very well. OChem and UPhys are like black and white. OChem is a lot of lecture with no quizzes, homework, textbooks, or clickers. UPhys is quizzes, lots of homework, textbook readings, and clicking. My UPhys professor is a Sam Claflin-esque adorable German guy. At the very least, physics will be fun because of that. 

The other class I had today was Italian. I have the same teacher this quarter and the same partner. Italian will be my little safety blanket class because I know exactly what to expect. 

The other class I am taking is Abnormal Psychology which I am super excited for. I had to throw in one super fun class to balance out the difficulty of my science classes.

As for right now, I have to get ready to go to Organic Chemistry lab. 

Here's to hoping that this quarter is as successful as the last one was!

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Bleeding Black and Yellow

I could be writing about how great it is to be back at DU right now, but last night was too tragic. Wild Card weekend put the Kings of the AFC North to bed...that is not something this girl can take lightly.

It is insane how much this upsets me. I am well aware that football really is just a game, but somehow it is something more. For me, it's the Steelers. For others, it's the Broncos or the Bears or even Alabama (ew). I take my football very seriously and I know so many people who are die-hard for their teams too. Why does it matter so much? When the Steelers won the AFC North, I was on top of the world. When they lost last night, I was heartbroken.

The thing is I feel as if I am a part of the Steelers family even though not one of the players or coaches even know that I exist. My extensive nicknames for the players is evidence of how attached I am: my baby Troy, my little cave man, ABs, Shaunie boy.... It's pretty crazy how important these guys are to me and them losing is just devastating. This is the only logical explanation for why we care so deeply about college and pro sports. We become attached to the players and when they are sad, we are sad. I bet that's why these losses are so hard to swallow. People will argue with me but I really think they are the best team in the league because I know what they are capable of. Last night's game against the Ravens was not the Steelers that I know and love. That was some other much crappier team.

There might be an even bigger loss at hand. Troy Polamalu just completed his 12th season in the NFL and there has been a lot of talk about how he is too old for this game. This may have been his last season. His contract is up, his health and quickness isn't what it once was. There has also been talk recently about how the team might be better off without him. I can't believe this because I firmly believe that he is one of the greatest defensive players of our time. The Steelers will still be great without him, but there is absolutely no doubt that he has made this team beyond great. Most importantly, he made me fall in love with the Pittsburgh Steelers. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Troy might be done, but the Steelers are never done. With talent like Antonio Brown, Martavis Bryant, and Le'Veon Bell (among many others), #7 can't be too far away.