No More Excuses

I am actually so proud of myself because I finally started going to the gym again. At the beginning of the school year, I tried going in the morning and it was awful because I love sleep. Getting out of bed has never been one of my strengths. I tried going later at night but by that point I was just exhausted. So, I've finally started going right after class ends for the day. I run home, change, and go before I can make up some excuse.

I'm really proud of this because I have actually taken action instead of just sitting on my ass feeling bad for myself. It's not really a body image issue, although that does play into it a little bit. Since I have been here, I have definitely put on some weight. The Freshman 15 is very, very real. I haven't gained that much weight but I was on my way. It's honestly really embarrassing. I was super angry at myself for letting myself get to where I am right now. There's cookies and chips and candy all over this dorm room and while I would be sitting on my bed doing homework I would just keep eating. It was bad. Then I got to the point where I would look in the mirror and I would be disgusted and angry with myself. The infamous "food baby" never went away. My pants got tighter. I had to buy a medium shirt from Target instead of the small or extra-small I was accustomed too. I started to hate myself for all of this.

Even worse than the body image issue was my feeling out of shape. I am 18 years old. I should be at the peak of my physical capabilities. I should absolutely not be struggling to climb 7 flights of stairs to my dorm room. I should not get winded from riding my bike to class. I felt tired and slow and weak. For being an 18 year old woman living in Colorado, this was completely unacceptable.

I spent many weeks just sitting around complaining to myself (and to others) about how upset I was that I was putting on weight or that I felt tired. Eventually, I got sick of just complaining about it and being miserable. So now I have finally started going to the gym. I spend about an hour there. I run and lift and bike and I leave feeling tired but incredibly fulfilled. Rather than just being upset, I'm doing something about it. I am taking my health and happiness in to my own hands and that feels amazing.