40 Days and 40 Nights

It's Ash Wednesday! Ash Wednesday is a very interesting day in the Catholic Church. Symbolism and tradition abound, but the reason I like Ash Wednesday is because it marks the beginning of change. Lent is a sad season, but things are changing and something great is on its way. 

It is tradition to give something up for Lent, just as Jesus gave up his life for us. This year, I am doing something way different and way more challenging than usual. My best friend, Julie, and I are going to be putting ourselves on the Paleo diet. Yup. It is going to be one of the most difficult challenges in self-control ever. No grains. No pasta. No potatoes. No dairy. No peanuts. No refined sugar. No processed anything. Basically, the two of us will be eating fish, meat, fruits, vegetables, eggs, nuts, and natural sweeteners. Of course, on Fridays we will be on the Bunny diet since we cannot eat meat and will have to resort to carrots and celery.

I am actually really excited for this Lent. When it comes to food, I basically have no self control at all. It's pretty terrible. Luckily I'm not 400 pounds, but I have a weak spot for chocolate and ice cream and french fries. Learning how to really control what I eat will definitely help me be more healthy in the long run. Also, I think about food quite often and now whenever I get hungry or want some pizza, I'll think of God instead. It's a win-win.  

I always had the expectation that going away to college would lessen my faith. I never imagined that my faith would become 10 times strong at a University. Maybe it's because I need God more or maybe it's because I am surrounded by so many incredible Catholics that I love a lot. Either way, I'm excited for these next 40 days and all the sacrifice, cleansing, and change they will bring. 

Full Speed Ahead

Second quarter has been incredibly difficult, way more difficult than I would have expected. In the next 7 days, I have an exam in every single class. This next week is going to be hell. The good news is that this quarter is over in 3 weeks. Then I get to travel to DC and when I come back, my schedule will be so much better.

This morning I registered for my 3rd quarter of college classes. I will be taking Italian 3, Organic Chemistry 2, Hard Choices in Public Policy, and Honors Writing. OChem 2 is definitely not going to be a walk in the park, but I figure only being in one hard science class is a step up from being in two. I will be in two Honors classes next quarter so that will be pretty tough, but they are mostly writing based and I like to think that I am good at writing. Hard Choices in Public Policy is a class that is taught by Richard Lamm, the former governor of Colorado. It's not everyday you get to learn about politics from a governor so I am beyond excited. I am even more excited that I will have no classes on Friday! I also don't start classes until 12pm on Mondays. It is definitely going to be a good quarter.

It blows my mind that it is almost time for quarter 3. The year is over halfway done. Part of me feels like I just got to DU and the other part of me can hardly remember what life was like without DU. Things have been moving fast and they are definitely not slowing down anytime soon.

Love is in the Air

Valentine's Day is a holiday for couples. It is all about the man buying the woman flowers and chocolate, there's usually a nice dinner involved, and maybe a screening of 50 Shades of Grey if you're into that. I know many people that feel like shit on Valentine's Day because they are single. Thankfully, I'm not one of them.

Valentine's Day can be about couples, but it is more about love. This is the first Valentine's Day in 3 years where I am "single". Yes, I am "single" but I am not alone. Not even close. I received so many cards and packages from my incredible family. I am surrounded by so many amazing friends that love me so much, and I love them too. "Single" or not, there is definitely no shortage of love. Valentine's Day shouldn't be about only a significant other, it's about love. It takes many forms and it is everywhere. Just look around.

One Step At A Time

My levels of stress have been insanely high these last few weeks. It might be a record. I am always running, just not at the gym because I don't have time for that anymore. 3 days a week I am out of my dorm from 7:30 am until at least 6:00pm. I am taking Organic Chemistry and University Physics, also known as the hardest classes I have ever taken before. Not to mention my two other classes that I have basically been neglecting in the name of science. I have more homework and studying to do than ever before. I'm still volunteering in that psychology lab and I'm still writing for the school paper. I'm averaging 6 hours of sleep a night. 6 hours for a girl that is in love with sleep and has consistently had at least 8 hours a night for the majority of her life.

Then there's the trying to enjoy myself part of life, which is becoming less and less with every day. The first weekend back, I was able to go skiing, but last weekend I had to tell my friend no even though there was nothing I would love more. Winter Carnival at Keystone is next weekend, but right now I don't even know how I am possibly going to be able to enjoy myself. The entire time I will probably just be thinking about all the physics and chemistry I should be doing instead. To top it all off, there are so many adorable boys at this school which are nothing but a distraction, but I can't really help myself.

There have been so many moments in these last two weeks where I have questioned what I am even doing. I feel hopeless most of the time because I start to think I'm not even good at science. Plus, if this is difficult then med school is going to kick my ass. If I had $1 for every time I wished that my classes were easier or $1 for every time I wished that I had just been a Journalism major instead because it would be so much easier, this education would be almost paid off by now.

Honestly, it feels like I'm drowning. I've never been this challenged in my life and I have never been this exhausted either. Usually if I study for a test all weekend (like I did for OChem) then an A is basically guaranteed...apparently things don't work like this anymore.

To top it all off, I totally freak myself out. I haven't even received my graded OChem test yet and I haven't even taken the physics one yet, but I've just convinced myself that it's going to be hard so I'm going to fail and I won't get As in my science class and my GPA will tank and then I won't get into med school and I'll live on the street, because obviously anyone that isn't a doctor is poor. I fully recognize that I make things way worse for myself when I have a bad attitude like this.

For the next days, weeks, months, years, I just have to think about what is immediately happening. Getting caught up worrying about med school 3 years from now is just making me paranoid. I've got to slow down.

Breathe. Work. Power through.

Even better, I know exactly what they are trying to do. OChem and physics are supposed to be hard and painful and ego destroying. Most people aren't supposed to make it through these courses. They're designed to scare people and knock people out. If it was easy, then everyone would do it. I'm not going to be scared off that easily.

Text Me, Maybe?

The dating game is not a very easy one. In today's world, it is even more difficult. I'm not going to complain about how guys don't bring flowers or open the car door or any of that stuff, because that's annoying and not even entirely true. What is true is that texting a crush is such a difficult and intensive task.

Let's say you get a guy's number. It doesn't matter if you gave him yours or if he gave you his. You have his number. The who-should-text-first struggle is completely real. Should you text him first? If you don't text him first then you might never hear from him at all and that would be sad. But if you text him first then maybe you are showing too much interest which is also bad, right? So you don't text him. Or he doesn't text you.

But let's say somehow you start texting. How long do you wait to answer? Should you answer as soon as you see it? I very rarely wait by the phone but I just always have my phone with me and I usually notice when I get a text as soon as I get it. But how tragic would it be if he thought you were waiting by the phone, so you wait to answer instead. The question remains, how long do you wait? 5 minutes? 15 minutes? A few hours? I honestly have no idea. Good thing I'm too impatient to play that waiting game. 

Alright so now there's a full conversation happening. Smiley face :) or emoji? Hey, hi, or hello? What's up or how are you? Who leads the conversation? Should you just talk like a normal person? What even is a normal person? Beats me. Can you send more than one message in a row? When does the conversation die? Do you just stop responding? Forced conversation is the worst conversation. 

Let's change the situation. You have a great date or a great night or a fun day with a guy/girl. How long do you have to wait before you reach out after that time together? How I Met Your Mother said 3 days. I'm a terribly impatient person. 3 days is like an eternity. But the girl isn't supposed to text first, so we have to wait. At least for awhile. Because maybe he didn't have as much fun as you did, so you sit around waiting to hear from him instead.

I know I probably sound like a psycho right now but I am still new at this dating game. I realize how completely idiotic this whole thing is. If you want to talk to someone, then you should talk to them. Plain and simple. Except it's not. 

Maybe I'll give up on the waiting game and just go for it...but I can guarantee that my best friends will always read that first message before I press send.